Until I Fall Asleep

Koschei tossed and turned on the too-large bed, eyes forced shut. When had the room become so freezing? When had he depended on the feel of lithe arms around his waist and warm breath on the back of his neck to fall asleep?

He turned over, icy blue eyes wide open, a frown etched into his hansom features. He would just have to get used to it. Theta - the Doctor, damn him - wouldn't be coming back. His fiancé probably wouldn't be happy about him sleeping with another man now would she?

Blinking back tears he stared into the darkness. He couldn't believe Theta, his Theta, would be getting married in a few shorts months. He didn't want to.

And what for? To carry on the family name? Obligation to the poor girl? Certainly not for love.

Dear Rassilon please not for love.

He curled up, clutching at Theta's pillow. His whole body wracked with sobs, tired and heavy. How could others stand it? Falling asleep without someone against you every night, no lovely nonsense whispered in the mornings, no sleepy midnight kisses.

For a moment he imagined Theta's body pressed against his, thought of what he would look like. His blond curls would be splayed across the pillow, catching any light and making him look almost angelic. A soft smile would be on his face, so gentle and kind, as he dreamt of the universe and traveling with the one he loved.

Would he be dreaming of her now? Koschei wondered. Would be still be able to see the stars with her like he'd always dreamt?

All Koschei could hope was that Theta would be happy in the end.